This weekend my retired parents are coming back from Albania.
They spend the winter there and the summers here, with us. Since in Albanian they stay in a 2 bedroom
apartment on the 4th floor, they really enjoy our house and the big
backyard. We have a pool, a big vegetable garden, grape vines and a lot of
flowerer beds. My mother loves being out there. She plants all sorts of flowers
and vegetable and enjoys just being out there, taking everything in. Having them back is going to be a big help
for us as well, especially for my wife. Being young professionals while taking
care of the house is hard, so when they’re here the house is always taken care
of and so are we. They take care of us so much that at time I wonder why having
multiple generations living under the same roof is not the norm. When I tell people about our
situating, they find it hard to believe. At times they even make me out to be a victim
“poor you” one person even said to me.
This really grinds my gears!!! Poor me? Luck me!! Having them is a
blessing. I get home from work and
everything is done, and my poor wife who worked as hard as I did, did not have
to do it all. Dinner is done, laundry is done, that wet towel that I left on the
bathroom floor is gone, and the “underwear-picking-up fairy" had
come by again. They do so much for us,
that at time I feel like I’m using/abusing my own parents. The only downside is
that when they have to leave, we have to get back in the routine of taking care
of the house ourselves. Not to mention the fact that when Yana and I decide to
have kids they would be an even bigger help.
Why have our children raised by a stranger at a daycare center, when I
can have my mother and father spoil them.
Hard as it may be, taking care of children; I don’t know of any
grandparents that rather do anything else but see their grandchildren grow up,
contribute to their molding.
To those of you that read this and start to feel bad for my
parents and all the work they have to do, please don’t. I assure you this is a
symbiotic relationship; being with the family is all they ask for. And
one day, when life has run its course, and they don’t have as much energy, we will be there for them. An old Albanian saying says that the difference between soup for
two and soup for four is more water. Therefore even financially is not a burden
for us at all, on contrary. They worked
out their entire life and took good care of me and my sisters; the least I can
do is look after them as they grow old. By no means, I want to paint the picture of
the superhero son taking care of his elderly parents and the superhero daughter
in law putting up with everything, because my parents are far from needing care
takers, and my wife loves them more than she probably loves me. I simply want to brag about how good I have
it, and challenge the status quo. This notion that one should only leave with
his/her parents when it is absolutely necessary.
Society sees this as a liability, I see it as an advantage,
and that is why I wonder sometimes: How did the elders become a burden to our culture? In cultures all over the world old people are
valued and appreciated, treated as non-expendables, crucial to societies
wellbeing. Everywhere else in the world
we have multiple generations live under the same roof, benefiting from one
another, yet in the US individuality and privacy are more important. Some even
put their parents away in homes and visit them once a month. It is a shame! Independently all the
nationalities that make the United States still value elders, however, something
gets lost as generations grow up in this society. Certain values replace
others! Some treat their pets as family members yet they haven’t seen their parents
since last Christmas. Others call their parents “rents”! Rents, as in people
who pay the rent, roommates! Maybe from
this lack of respect is born the lack of appreciation and abandonment.
I speak this harshly because I really like having my parents
live with us. I feel like others are missing out! Maybe I got lucky, and got
“good parents” maybe I got lucky, and got a wife that gets along with my
parents. Maybe it is not luck. Maybe it is the dedication and respect that my
parents gave to their parents that let the way.
Maybe my motives are selfish; by treating my parents this way; I’m ensuring
that my children will have the same level of respect and dedication to me.
Avoiding growing old sounded by strange nurses in the process. Whatever the motive, whatever the circumstances, I believe that everyone can befit from the support and mutual happiness that comes from sharing your life closely with the people that unconditionally loved you first.
