Facebook users

You know what really grinds my gears??? Certain Facebook users! This website has impacted the world in more ways than one; yet some people use it to annoy the rest of us. Unfortunately this is not about the wonders of Facebook; this Blog is about those irritating individuals of the net that make you want slap them senseless every time you read their post.

The Let-Me-Tell-You-Every-Detail-of-My-Day Facebook user! "I'm waking up." "I'm brushing my teeth." "I'm bored at work." "I'm stuck in traffic." You're kidding! How fascinating! No time of day is too mundane for these people to broadcast unsolicited to the rest of us. Just because you have 632 Facebook friends doesn't mean we all want to know when you're waiting for your sandwich at subway. And just a thought, unless you are public figure, there is no reason for you to have that many friends.

If you are like me, then you fall in a category that I like to call “Self-Promoters/Community-Organizers.” These people post all their accomplishments online, annoying people that hate them in the process. Haters are searching your Facebook timeline in pursuit of damaging news, yet you continuously post stories about your success. Sure you lost weight lately and sure you helped raise money for the children’s hospital, but please stop; when every other post is a link to your blog and other causes you’re involved in, a little bit dies inside these green creatures.

Wait there is worse! For a moment I want to direct my attention to you, my bad grammar friend. I know you think that the rules you learned in school regarding proper grammar don’t apply to the social media; however, this makes you look like a moran. I’m not a big stickler for a proper sentence structure; nonetheless, where would our society be without guidelines. Rules and social parameters are what separates us from our primate friends. For you fact police out there: This is an exaggeration! Hyperbole if you will. It makes for a better and more dramatic writing.

Let me see, who have I left out? Oh yeah. The I-Have-the-Need-to-Take-Photos-of-Myself-and-Instantly-Upload-Them Facebook operator. Please stop doing this. Only when you get new glasses should this be allowed. 35 close-up photos of your face from different angles are not necessary. A worse subcategory, are the people taking photos of themselves in front if their bathroom mirrors.  Debris from flossing and soup buildup coats your mirror; it’s discussing, at least wipe it before you do this.

The Photographing-Every-Event and the Stupid-Cliché-Quotes individuals are annoying indeed, but the Creep-That-Never-Posts-Anything on Facebook, yet knows in detail everything you have ever posted is unnerving. These organisms hang in the shadows of your wall and know your every move.  There needs to be a horror movie on this.

I couldn’t write a blog about Facebook users and leave out the following disasters: Facebook-Moms and Multiple- Posters. Please mom stop tagging me; and please annoying friend that I never talk to, stop posting twenty things in one day or I’m going to delete you.

Facebook is great; it gives me a platform to reconnect with friends and family that unfortunately life has separated me from. It gives me a platform to organize with people that support the same ideas as well as raise money for the cause I care for. The greatest weapon to organize, communicate, and share ideas since the written word, yet these idiots use it to inform people without windows that it is raining outside. (I am certainly guilty of a few of these pointless posts over the years.) I told the senate to shut down SOPA with a click of a mouse and watched in shock as the Middle East used Facebook and other social media to finally get rid of tyrants oppressing their human rights. The same website allows me keep an eye on my friends’ journey through life, partake in their happiness as they bring a life into this world and share a tear when they lose a loved one. A few bottles of wine, stimulating conversation amongst friends over a nice home cooked dinner is a meal; but then again, so is a TV dinner in the dark watching Jerry Springer by yourself. Facebook is just a tool and how some of you use this tool allows me to point and laugh hysterically while I feel sorry for humanity.