Sherlock Holmes and the Republican Party

Walking home from work the other day, I found myself in a familiar neighborhood. Memoirs of Baker Street surfaced in my head and I thought of my friend Sherlock Holmes in a somewhat melancholic manner as if I've missed him.  I had been quite busy with my practice lately and I hadn’t seen much of him; but, since I was in the neighborhood, I decided to go see him.

I marched up those familiar stairs and without knocking I opened the door of the studio apartment I once called home. Instantly, I was welcomed by a thick cloud of smoke.  

“I thought you quit,” said I, with a slightly disappointed tone.

“My dear friend,” said he, jumping from his seat with the pipe still in his hand. “What brings you here? Not that I am not glad to see you, but ever since your married, and your new practice, I haven’t seen much of you.”

“I was in the neighborhood and I wanted to see you,” said I. “How has the greatest detective in the world been lately?”

“Not well Watson, not well indeed,” said he, and crashed back into his chair, as if his knees had abandoned him.  “I haven’t left this flat in days. Ever since my visit to Florida I haven’t been able to eat or sleep.”

“I can see that, you look horrendous.”

“Cocaine, Indian tobacco, and the occasional opium hit have been my only satisfactions, Watson.  I can’t seem to shake this sensation.”

“What sensation? Florida? You mean to tell me…”

“Yes my dear Watson, I did it,” said he, putting his head between his hands. “I went to the Republican Convention!”

“What possessed you to do something like this? You get hives simply by watching FOX news.”

 “I am working on the most difficult case yet, Watson!”

“A murder then?”

“Worse!”

”What can be worse than that?”

“Let me ask you a question, Watson,” said he, with elbows on his knees and fingertips together.  “Do you think I am a good detective?”

“I think you are a brilliant detective, the best there is.”

“Then why is it that I can’t solve one of the cases that has haunted me for years?”

“Which case is it? I can’t say I recollect what you are speaking of.”

“Republicans, Watson!”

“I don’t understand.”

“It is quite simple really: Why does anyone vote republican? Why do they belong to the party? Moreover, why would anyone in their right mind support Mitt Romney?”

I sat down in the chair opposite to his and we both pondered in our own thoughts for a while.  I stayed motionless; however, Holmes kept twitching in his seat. His pipe was firmly in his mouth and his eyes kept moving from side to side as he babbled between his teeth as a crazy person would. I was resolute not to say a word until he did, even if it took all night. Not thirty minutes passed, although it seemed like a lifetime, before he spoke.

“Let me tell you a story, Watson,” said he with a depressed look on his face as he offered me a pipe and some of his finest Indian tobacco.”

I bowed my head, in acceptance to both his pipe and this narrative.

“I like to think of myself as a remarkable man, one that can see all sorts of views and opinions; a man that can think like a detective as well as a criminal. This, combined with my undoubtedly remarkable deducing capability, has made me one of the greatest minds this world has ever seen. Wouldn’t you say?”

“Modest as well,” said I, smirking underneath my smile.

“Ahh my dearest friend… for the longest time I have found myself trying to understand and think like a republican to no avail. There are a few points which I can’t seem to grasp my mind around. For example: there are these people; regular, law abiding people; yet their ideology is so far from reality. They support a party constructed on the idealism that the economy works best from the upper class down, rather than from the middle class up. A party that believes that deregulation and fewer taxes for the rich will bring prosperity, despite of colossal failure to that ideology in the past.  A party that wants to tell a woman when, where, and what to do with her body, except in the cases of legitimate rape, of course, in which case she can’t get pregnant in the first place. But what makes me cry, Watson, is the fact that this party accepts no one but people that look, feel and believe in the same ideas as them. Besides their fondness for the NRA and the 4^th amendment I find absolutely nothing appealing about this party’s platform, Watson, and I can’t understand why anyone would!  They are against immigration, because we all know that all republicans came aboard of the Mayflower; against equal rights for all, regardless of sex, gender, or sexual preference; and not to mention the guy they have running for office…   It seems to me, dear Watson that America is going through an internal war.”

“War? Isn’t that a bit of an overstatement?”

“I might have chosen the wrong words Watson, but my underlying point remains ever so valid. An internal war, Watson! It is a war of ideologies and philosophies regarding the best way to run a county.  On one hand, you have the 2% of the country earning more than 250 thousand dollars, with the top 1 % making way more than that and running the country in the process. And you have the remaining 51% that everyone pretends to care about.

“That would be 53%, Holmes, what about the rest”

“That is it, Watson, that is the problem:  there are 47 percent who are dependent upon government; who believe that they are victims; who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them; who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it. That’s entitlement! And unless you are white, male, born in the USA, (preferably in the heartland,) heterosexual, rich and powerful in America, you are not entitled to anything.”

“A puzzler indeed, Holmes! Not to say that I have given much thought regarding this in the past. Have you come to any conclusion to the why? Why is the Republican Party thinking and behaving this way; additionally, why do some American outside of the rich and powerful continue to support such one-sided agenda as you put it? ”

“I have eliminated every other possibility, Watson, and I reason I have come up with the best possible solution; although the truth may never be known.”

With a quick push he jumped off his seat and, after adding a log to the fire, started pacing up and down the room.  His right hand by the pipe in his mouth, while the other firm in his pocket.

“Fear, Watson!”

I nodded my head as to pretend to know what he was talking about but when in reality I was puzzled and had no idea how he made that giant leap. Although my look might have deceived me because he continued…!

“Let me explain, Watson,” said he, staring down at me. “You seem confused.”

“The Republican Party is mainly supported by the white population. Is it not?”

“Perhaps.”

“The Republican Party has moved further Right in recent years with the help of the Tea Party. Has it not?”

“Sure.”

“Well my dear Watson, you can’t possibly think that is a coincidence that the shift to the right of the party coincides with the fact that the whites are no longer a majority in the United States. The Republican Party has become more and more conservative with pressure from the Tea Party of course, while contributing all their problems to immigrants, gays, women, and everything else that is not from the aforementioned class.”

For the first time since Holmes started talking he was making sense, and I was finally able to follow his train of thought. His ideas were always a little eccentric but in the end he was always right.

“Why do you think that is, Holmes, this fear?”

“In a bizarre way of thinking, Watson, supporters of the Republican Party as well Tea Party supporters, believe that there is a finite amount of freedom and rights in this world; therefore, if more people have it, there would be less to go around for them.  They, perhaps believe, that by allowing everyone to get married to whom they love, their own heterosexual marriages will somehow become less valid. A dreamer getting an American passport will somehow lower its quality and if a woman truly reaches equality then men will become second class. The white man in America has seen his power fade and they are afraid to relinquish the little control that they do have, Watson. Why else equal rights for all would not be appealing to them, after all isn’t that what the Constitution says?!  That’s the problem with fear, Watson: it makes people peculiar; it draws boundaries around their world.

With that, he slowly walked to his chair and faintly sat down as to not disturb his own thoughts.  He put his head back and lastly closed his eyes. I think for the first time in weeks he was finally calm and the burden had been lifted from his shoulders. I got up slowly, covered him with a blanket, and softly closed the door behind me.